Relaxation The Taoist Way

Before the lockdown started, I bought a full-length mirror for my bedroom. It’s been propped against the wardrobe, across from the foot of my bed, waiting for Da or my big brother to come over and hang it on the wall for me. I woke up on the first morning of the lockdown and I sat up in bed. There was the mirror, opposite me. My reflection had that sort of blurry still-half-asleep look, with big-bad-bed-hair and puffy eyes. But hey, she was sorta pretty, I thought. You know, I’d do her. And, knowing that I had nothing else to do, I thought I’d start the day on a high note. I wiggled down the length of the bed so I was sat on the edge, directly opposite the mirror. “Hello, pretty,” I said to myself.You have to love yourself. I learned that early on. If you don’t love yourself, you can’t expect anyone else to love you. That’s not to say I think I’m perfect. Far from it. I’m really critical of my appearance; but working in theatre requires confidence, and you have to work with what you. That thought led to another that made me smile as I fingered myself, my son had a teenage crush on me, he thought I didn't know, but I had seen it almost as soon as the crush developed. What had surprised me though was three years on he still had that crush, it was flattering, but not enough to give me confidence, not at my age.Sometimes, at moments such as this, Paul became my fantasy lover, the idea or the act of incest held no terrors for me. Goodness knows why, but I just couldn't get to a climax no matter how hard or how deep I fingered myself, it just wasn't happening for me. Sighing I sat up, swung my legs off the bed, rose, adjusted my clothing and walked from the room feeling frustrated. Passing my son's bedroom door I heard the unmistakable sound of an old cine-projector running, wondering what he had found up in the loft I pressed my ear to the door and listened. There was no mistaking the sounds I heard under the noise of the projector, whatever Paul was watching he was.
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