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But he seemed to be very under control. Or at least I thought he was."Karla, I ... I understand that you probably want to talk about this," he said. "But I need some time. I need a few hours to get my thoughts together and to get my emotions under control. I wouldn't want to do anything stupid. I'm at home. I'm going to take a nap and try to come to terms with ... well you know. Just give me a few hours and call before you come home."It sounded extremely reasonable under the circumstances. But something about the whole situation seemed unreal."I love you Kevin. I'm so sorry," I said. He just hung up. It was the first time that I can remember, that he didn't say he loved me back. That alone hurt me. I was very fearful that I had hurt my marriage deeply. I couldn't give him the time he needed. I called him back in an hour. He seemed to be out of breath. All kinds of thoughts went through my head.I imagined that he'd gone out and found a hooker and was fucking her in our bed. Then I. Maybe I'm happy just being me in my own head. This isn't going to last forever, you know. We'll finish this, you and Sophie will be free to go your own way, and then the less you know the safer I'll be." Or the easier it'll be to let us go." She hazarded, knowing she was right as his eyes narrowed. "It'll hurt less, won't it. It won't be like someone else is running out on you, they'll be running out on... on... this 'Gavin' creation." His face hung, the muscle on the point of his jaw twitching away, and his dark eyes glanced sideways at her across the wood. Every line of his arms was clear, the tension across his shoulders bringing out the big vein in his neck, and another across his bicep."Perhaps." He acknowledged, looking up, his eyes clear for perhaps the first time since they'd met. She realised, in that instance, with the frown lines gone and his fine eyebrows lifted up from over his eyesockets that his eyes weren't black this time, but a fine steely grey. "Perhaps it will be.
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