Among other efforts i proposed to her that she be free to enjoy anything she wanted incliding other men if she kept our nuclear family in tact. You could tell she was struggling to hold on to the ground she had carved for herself but i had been with her for 5 years and i can tell she was thinking about it.I will get back to her decision in a moment. I am cuckold from a young age. I think i turned my pain from a betrayal into a sexual fantasy. My first sexual partner at 14 told me i couldnt tell her what to do when she ran off from home and was going to sleep at another guys house. Obvioisly the images of what could be going between them were persistant. I never got closure on it or knew for sure so the fantasys became the only reality. Maybe thats what started it? After that. I talked a girlfriend I had in grade 11 to letting a cousin of a friend of mine, in from out of town, fuck her with me. She had a "your crazy" reaction but didnt try to stop me when i went to pitch it to. “You’re right, Col. I should trust her.”Col looked at me, something showing in his eyes that I couldn’t identify: nothing bad, but ... different. “Thank you, Willi.” He kept his gaze on me a moment longer and then turned away and picked up The Hobbit.“Perhaps we should keep that for when Lili’s here tomorrow, Col. Why don’t we read more of Müller’s poems as Lili can’t read German?”Col smiled and I saw another flicker of something in his eyes. “That’s a good idea, Willi.” We drew closer and closer to the very dark ending of the cycle of poems. I was increasingly uncertain how Col would handle that – and how I would handle Col’s reaction.After we’d read for a while, I stopped reading and looked at Col. “Ummm ... Col. Were you listening to the songs when they were on the radio?”Col looked at me. “Not really. Why?”“Do you think this is going to end well for the young miller? Do you think he gets the girl?”Col gave me a pensive look. “What are you trying to tell me, Willi?”“Until we read.
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