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When she saw a chanceshe took it. Being fearless also led to her being able to show beingvulnerable. She knew showing that being susceptible to being hurt was asign of strength. Being open about your feelings without any defenseshowed your trust in others. That was the biggest reason why now almostalone with only Matt and Luke in the trailer she was in tears. Shebelieved neither of them would do her harm.The tears were from sadness, anger and disappointment. Sadness frommissing almost 4 years of Luke's life. Anger at Lori for pulling her intothe War of the Twins and from her being too proud to admit she was wronguntil she was too late and disappointment from not being strong enough tostart making amends with Luke. Renee knew she had to share those emotionswith Luke. Her sharing the pain she caused herself was part of her pleafor total absolution.Even with Matt believing in the statement that boys don't cry, he was alsocrying. The reason was that to him, crying and being open with. Sure, she had always thought that he was devilishly attractive, and even at times had worn certain pieces of clothing because she had seen how he had started at her breasts in a certain shirt, or at her ass in a certain pair of pants when he thought that she was not aware. She thought that he had a thing for lingerie, so she had gotten in the habit the last couple of years of wearing very lacy bras under white shirts whenever she could get away with it, just to watch his eyes struggle to keep looking her in the face when he was talking to her. She also was bold enough one day toward the end of the spring term to wear a pair a pair of slacks that she knew looked fine on her when she was standing up, but would gap a great deal in the back when she squatted down. She intentionally wore a white lace thong under those pants, and then at one point during the day, when she knew Principal Hanson was looking, she went to the file cabinet and squatted down in front of the bottom drawer.
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