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It was notoriety I didn’t relish. Outsider’s gossip about members would eventually compromise my staid super mom/wife image. I wanted out.To exit, I stopped aiding and abetting their affairs, renounced mine, avoided those in the group and only smiled if one was met by chance, then scurried away. My parting advice was.“Put your family first, avoid alpha males and pursue your husband.”Hypocritic words that fell on deaf ears.I did stay friends with Erica. She was a neighbor, our boys played together and I liked her. To convince her Thumper was history, I told her, he'd lost interest in me, I in him and he was history, a lie until it did end.She continued to narrate her escapades to me while she assumed, I was out of action. She dated a Japanese produce man we nicknamed Tojo. He was short, married, a Zeta and enthralled by his Nordic goddess. He delivered produce to restaurants that demanded the best. We had fruits and vegetables unattainable in the grocery store with my orders placed by. I have a beautiful 19 year old daughter and an adorable 16 year old son. Their names are Sam and Ben. My c***dren are my world... I love them more than any possible combination of words could hope to describe. I've always tried to be the best mother I could be given the circumstances, no matter how poor they may be. Life has never been easy on me, but I try my best each and every day. I've made a lot of mistakes, but I always seem to find a way to turn a seemingly bad situation into something positive... I'm afraid I may have made the biggest mistake of all. It's not something I can shrug off like the rest of them. I've gotten myself into a very bad place and for the first time in my life I can honestly say I don't know what to do. I want to scream at the top of my lungs "HELP ME!!!" but I know I can't tell anyone the truth. I'm so ashamed of what I've done to myself, and most importantly my family. It physically makes me sick to my stomach! At this point I have no one else to turn.
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