I paid for everything and took it home where I unloaded everything into the kitchen. “I’m going to drive back into Petersburg. I may not be home for dinner,” I told Mom as she and Janie started putting everything away.“Have a good time, honey,” Mom said.They almost pulled it off, but Janie’s knowing grin, and the fact that neither of them grilled me about why I might not be back for the celebratory dinner made me realize that they already knew. One of them, probably Janie, had told Bitsy I would be at the store. Both of them obviously knew that Bitsy was back, which would explain why they hadn’t paraded a long line of single women out to meet me.I stopped at a flower shop I saw about ten minutes from Bitsy’s place and bought flowers. Despite knowing that this meeting involved collaboration between Bitsy and the females in my family, I was nervous when I rang the doorbell.The door opened about an inch; a heavy security chain prevented it from opening more. “Can I help you?” a woman. I felt guilty about her kidnap for a long time after the accident. I jumped into martial arts and boxing for a while, trying to make sure I'd never be helpless again if someone I loved were ever threatened. It turned my nightmares quite violent at times; my aunt learned not to come and try to wake me when I was having one after I accidentally hit her while still mostly asleep. That's why I was worried about hurting you last night when you came into my bed. But honestly, I was so completely traumatized by my loss that I never allowed myself to love anyone except my aunt. Not for a long time."When I turned 20, I decided to get into the BDSM scene. I think I was partly hoping I'd catch wind of Leo. But I was also desperately lonely, but far too vulnerable to try a normal relationship. Because of my parents, BDSM was familiar. But after Cathy, there was no way I would ever have been a sub. I became a dom."I was never into pain or anything like that; I only ever did things that I had.
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