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Mom and I found a nice dress at Herberger's in the mall — they're like JC Penney on steroids, with prices to match. With the matching purse and heels, the price tag was just under $350.00. A new bra and panty set in pale blue to match the dress cost me another $52.00. It was a knee-length full-skirted taffeta number with spaghetti straps; I still didn't have enough up top to chance a strapless gown. I started to get ready Friday the 5th.Mom and I were in the bathroom together; I was in the tub soaking in warm water, and she was laying out nail polish and other things I'd need. I was going to moisturize from head to toe and shave my legs from the knee down; because of the dress style, I'd have to shave under my arms, too.I shaved in the tub while Mom took her shower, and we both finished about the same time. I stood in the tub to dry off and let Mom have what room there was in front of the vanity; her bathroom wasn't much bigger than mine.As I stepped out and wrapped the towel around. Finally, school. I started crying.Damn it! Even when I was pregnant and alone and Jim gave me a place to live, I’d never cried in front of him. But there was the truth. My precious daughter ranked number three and my lovers number four.“I think you need to reprioritize where you invest yourself.”I couldn’t just abandon the business and I knew Jim didn’t want me to. He was making a huge amount of money from my work. And I would be letting Gordon down, as well. And my family needed the money. The comfortable life was for them. That’s what I told myself.But I had to admit that the motivating factor for that was that in my former life, I’d felt powerless and having my own business and money was a way to take the power back.I went back to the list that Jim had written down for me and decided to reconstruct it. I needed to define what each of these things meant. And I was going to start with my daughter. What did I want?I wanted the dear sweet relationship that I’d had with my little girl.
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