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Some of the men had left, gone were the soft red lamps, and in their place was an unused bedroom, strewn and soiled and cigarette-burned mattresses, lighted with three candles jammed into the necks of empty wine bottles; it looked more like a fraternity house, she later mused, than an adult's apartment.Sandy was there, and both of the Mexican men -- Jose and Neil -- and three other men from the party, one she remembered. Doug. Just she and Sandy and five men!I must be going nuts! What am I doing in this room with these people? And smoking grass, I've never been so loaded in my life. Have I completely lost my mind?"Here, honey, try some," said a voice. It was Sandy, holding what looked like a tiny silver spoon between her fingers, filled with some powdery grains."What is it?" she asked. "I don't need anything more except for a cup of strong coffee." This is far better than coffee, honey," laughed one of the men. "It's cocaine."Chris drew in her breath. "Oh no," she gasped. "I've had. The truth is that I knew that confessing again would have just moved mytroubles onto you. My conscience would have been clear but at what cost?Unimaginable pain for you and the reality is that that would have playedfar more heavily on my conscience - does anyone have the right to causeanother pain just to ease their own? The reality of the situation isthat being found out this way enables me to explain myself in a much morecompassionate way than an unsolicited confession. 'I didn't want to justshift all of my problems onto you' is a lot easier to say if it's notdelivered in a way that appears to have no other purpose than to do justthat.Not a day has passed when I have not wanted to be honest with you but Ihope you can now understand why I chose the path that I did"------Reading Robert's comments, Anna wanted to dismiss them as just anothermanifestation of his cowardice but, as she re read them, she started tounderstand what he had gone through. She thought back to his.
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