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" Please. Please. Don't keep secrets from me, it hurts. Ilove you." I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just wanted it tobe a surprise." I don't need surprises like that."I finally dried her tears, and just held her for a longtime.She looked up at me, and said, "I'm sorry. No more surpriseslike that. I promise." I do love surprises, but only nice surprises." And, Ilooked at my ring. We smiled at each other.We went back down stairs, she made dinner, while I satthere, and thought about this whole thing. After dinner, Igave her the information on hormones that I had printed out.She sat quietly, and read it all. I could tell that what shewas reading was having an effect on her. She finished,looked at me, and said, "I had no idea, that it could causeso many problems." Some of those problems are rare and don't happen toeveryone. But, why take the chance." Your right, as usual. My heart was leading instead of mymind."We went out on the patio, it was raining, and we like to sitthere, and. .freak! A...parody!" Then maybe" he said softly, "it's time we changed that."He wrote out a prescription and handed it to me, and we talked forabout another two hours. Things that I had held tightly inside myselfcame to light, and for the first time I started to feel good aboutmyself. By the time I left his office I knew what I had to do, anddecided to go after it with the same determination I had used to planthe murders. It was also during that session that I found out that weall have the capacity to kill, but for most of us, our moral compassdoesn't allow us to act on it. The mere fact that I was willing to doit only meant that I had been driven well past all of my internalsensibilities.I took my first pill that day, then I went in my room to change. I wasvery nervous as I got dressed, knowing that Bill was coming over, tosee the real me, not the parody I thought I had become. I wore mypleated tan skirt with the pink blouse and my brown flats, my hairbrushed into a pageboy. I used.
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