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"No, I guess it isn't. Youdon't get to pick your relatives and you have to take them as theycome, feebles and all." Foibles," he corrected her."Foibles," she agreed. "And Andie has a real collection." She thoughtof her own mother, Amanda, and Kelly's father Phil. Kelly had confidedto her how he had gotten Phil out of the mall under the noses of fiftyor more policemen. Maybe it runs in the family, Barbie had thought,imagining how Phil might look disguised as a soccer mom. "I guess I seewhat you mean, they like you as a little girl and if it turns outyou're a little boy, they might decide you were fooling them?" I'm not so little, I'm twelve," he pointed out. "And, and I don'tthink Richard likes me as a little girl..." Ah. Even more reason he might be annoyed?"Kelly nodded. "They're huge, Barbie. They are huge guys, if they gotmad at me, I wouldn't even be a greasespot." They wouldn't hurt you," she said firmly."Well, I know that, but still..." Do you like it that Richard thinks of you. "I'm getting married, mom," I said."...to a man." Yes, mom." ...but you're not gay?" No ma'am. Not technically." Not technically? Do you suck his dick or what?" Mom!" Well, do you?" Not yet, mom. I will, I'm sure." ...and you're going to wear a dress?" Yes, mom." ...but you're not a transvestite." No, mom. Not technically."My mother shook her head. She sighed deeply."My son is my daughter, and she's marrying a man, and she's going to givehim blow jobs, but there is nothing wrong with any of it. What? Are yougoing to marry a chicken?"Mom!" I'm sorry. But you have every color of the rainbow here, sweetie. Whydon't you just say you're a homo and be done with it? It's 2015, afterall." Mom, if it helps you, you can think of me as gay, okay? I'm Liberace. I'mElton John. I'm Johnny Weir. Deal?" Calm down, dear. I just would have preferred a son who slept with women." I do, mom. I sleep with Mistress Anita sometimes." Oh, for God's sake." She rolled her eyes."And Flower is kind of girlish. I.
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