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I’ve never believed in fate, but now it feels as if an unseen force has taken me by the hand and is leading me to an unknown destination.Mark arrives every evening to witness my performances. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. I can’t make him out, but then it’s not as if we’ve had any deep, meaningful conversations. He arrives, he sits. I perform, he wanks. I cum, he cums. That’s how it is.Perhaps it sounds silly to ask what he gets out of it, but I wonder. Why would he rather sit and watch a moderately attractive 30-year old like myself than socialize with the much prettier girls his own age that he knows?I’m not silly. Obviously, there’s sexual gratification involved; there is for both of us. It just seems like such a lonely thing. I just feel that to Mark this arrangement might almost be no more than a live version of sitting at home in front of the computer, watching pornographic videos.I’m blushing. Have I just likened myself to the women in porn? No, I may not know exactly what kind. She poured black coffee into a mug and spread butter and marmalade on the toast. She'd just taken the first bite when she was shocked by a voice."Would you like to talk about it?"Her head whipped round to see the petite, oriental figure of Anh Knight in pyjamas and slippers at the kitchen door."I talked about it before ... to Trudy Waters. It helped at the time but now..." Trudy Waters? She helped to put me back together the year I married Terry." You..." I didn't realise when I married Terry that something in my previous life would surface and start causing problems. I was sexually abused by my family from being twelve. I thought I was alright, but after we married ... let's say, I was a mess. I thought I was ... dirty, unworthy of his love. Trudy really helped. But the thing that made the real difference in the end was being healed. Which is why I'm ordained. So..." I don't know what I believe about God," Chrissie said, "after all, He ... if he exists ... let my parents die, let me.
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