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But my brutal deflowering had wrought a change in me. I would dream again and again of Jordaens, and it still shames me to tell that I awoke from these dreams agitated, and with a burning desire to feel once again his deathly weapon inside me. I longed to be out of that cave, and felt like a dog in a kennel. Kano came and went often, I knew not where. Whenever he left he would bind me and gag my mouth, so I could not call out. Each time he returned, his mood was black. I guessed he had some business concerning me, which was not going as he wished. Being completely at his mercy, I feared that whenever he went from me he would not return. I would feel so great a relief when I saw his silhouette reappear at the mouth of the cave that I would weep. One morning he prepared for me my medicine. We sat at the cave’s entrance. I watched his delicate quick fingers, and the smooth skin on his arms, as he sliced up some sweet-smelling leaves. He said to me, ‘It will not be long now. Soon you. ... I think you might have my heart already.” “You certainly have my heart, Emmy. I've never felt this way in my life!” In agreement she responded, “I admit that I have been fighting it, and it is all very complicated, but I can’t seem to distance myself from you. Nor do I want to or have the strength to.” “I'm trying very hard to observe the proper boundaries, but I'm having the same problem! I'm drawn to you by a power stronger than my will to stay away!” “Knowing how we both feel... I have to be very forward with you now, like I have been all along.” Then she paused, before starting again. “Robbie, what do you think will happen to us after tonight?” “Yes, Emmy?” “After we...,” her voice trailed off. Our food was delivered to our table but we chose to continue our talk before eating. I reassured her. “I'm hoping things go on from here. I'm not the kind of guy who can spend time with a girl without it meaning something - something way beyond a friendship. Regardless of.
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