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.”She squeezed my hand harder. "Love, I was trying so hard to catch up with you. I thought I had to... had to be extra sexy— seductive— alluring— whatever you want to call it. If I was just a slut who likes to get fucked then I don't deserve you."She stopped for a second.“Seeing me being fucked wasn’t a turn on?”“Seeing you is a turn on— always— and since this started you look better all around. I'd hate to lose that. Beyond that, I'm all over the place— if this is the price, can I cope with paying it? Half of the time I'm lost— but it feels so weak to say that. I feel good when I can see you're having fun but then it gets scary. What if I can't give you that kind of fun? Where does that take us— do we have to keep doing this? Will you end up realising that I'm second best and need more of... more of... whoever... It's even more scary when I don’t know what’s going to happen, when I really think I'm losing you.”“So if you knew I was safe and always coming back...?”“You could still. It would have been difficult for the instructors to teach me if it hadn’t been for my ability to understand them. Otherwise I would have needed separate classes from everyone else, just so I could be taught in English instead.As well as the forms and fighting techniques I was used to, I was taught the finer points of the art.Lock picking, hiding weapons in plain sight and moving in the shadows without being discovered. As well as many other skills were taught to me, which normally are not taught to students until they are much older.Learning the cultural side actually took up more of my time than training did. There was so much to learn. I had only a couple of months, while the residents lived it their entire lives.Although most children now wore a lot of western clothing, jeans, t-shirts and the like the older generations would also wear more traditional clothing.I was outfitted with a number of kimonos for formal wear when going to meet elders. They would show me more respect for.
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