”Nadine looked up at me then. “I’m sorry, I know you told me not to but I couldn’t…” She looked away again. “Afterwards, when I was finally able to stand up, I started to leave – but then I realized that there was a huge wet stain on the back of my skirt and I couldn’t go out like that so I went to the restroom. And when I took off my skirt I had to remember all over again that you had my panties, and why you had them, and there I was standing in this dirty little restroom, naked from the waist down and trying to rinse this nasty stain out of my skirt with wet paper towels and dry it out with the hot-air blower so I could go back to being a lawyer with a nice office and lots of clients and I suddenly felt...” Her voice became pinched and nearly inaudible as she finished in a whisper, “…so ashamed.”I felt her shoulders shake against me as she began to cry. I reached down to stroke her hair and tried to reassure her. “Well, that’s not so sur-““No, you don’t understand!’ She. Imagining myself in so many of those delectable creations.My mother had only so many choices available to me.I settled on 4 socks rolled up for each bra cup.Ample size for my reflection in the mirror.5th grade for me meant El was now in junior high.Halloween was not celebrated at that school.I would ride the bus to school with my little twin sisters who were 2grades back.As a girl cheerleader.The 1st time I went to school as a girl on Halloween, was 3 yearsearlier.That was before we moved and that school was within walking distance.I was a boy that liked to dress up in girl's clothes.My mother's too, of course.The dress up games I played with my 5 sisters kind of went away as the 3older girls interest had changed as they grew older.But my interest only increased.Girls in school were growing.Puberty was hitting them.But not me.Halloween finally showed up.I was ready to spend the day as a girl.No clock to watch as to how much time I thought I had left being dressedup in female.
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