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Turning to Amelio with an idiotic grin, I immediately felt awkward, suddenly aware how annoying that three-hour drive must have been. I had known Danny for two years, but Amelio had only met him a fortnight ago, and only joined my team at work three months before that. Why Danny had barged into our IT office to demand that he join us on this trip, I had no idea. Ostensibly it was to take the place of Darren, who had “bottled it”, but he could easily have asked Will and Ed, instead of arranging this elaborate “coincidence” of them camping nearby.Perhaps I had made the odd mention that he was our age, seemed cool with his short mohawk, neat beard, nice arse and an impressive sleeve of tattoos, but I hadn’t spoken about him that much… had I? To my surprise, my new colleague had agreed immediately, and now here we were, abandoned by the instigator on the first night.“Sorry,” I said, “I promise I'm not that bad on my own.”“It's alright,” he said with a wry smile. “Although I may have to be. Men would be born with a permanent erection6. All women would have the same size breasts7. There would be no cellulite8. Every food on the planet would be FAT FREE9. Men would be born with an “OFF” switch10. There would be no “Hooters”11. A man’s paycheck would be made payable to his wife12. All menstrual cycles would be replaced with a 5-8 day vacation in Hawaii!13. Men would inherit the menstrual cycle14. Men would come with software to be custom designed15. Men would come equipped with homing device for quick location by wife16. Men would have a built in lie detector on forehead for instant verification of truth17. Men would be intelligent enough to tell the difference between six inches and three inches18. Sex would last longer than 3- seconds19. Foreplay would not be a quick slap on the fanny and a kiss on the cheek20. Viagra becomes an over the counter drug.When George Burns was 97 years old he was interviewed by Oprah Winfrey. Oprah asked,” Mr. Burns, how do you carry so much.
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