And disgust.Well what the hell does she want from me? Not everyone can be as good as she is! Not every one can be righteous and sinless. I have to pay the bills somehow.Besides, what's it too her that I do what I do? She doesn't know the hours I put in the gym, toning my body to perfection. She doesn't know how it's like performing before a bunch of salivating men. Its hard work. Why should she care what its all for?But she does care. She surely pity's me for using my body and not my mind. How loving of her. But that's where her love ends, I'm sure of it.In her eyes I'm nothing but a snake, a heathen snake. She's seen right through my thick coat, into my soul and seen the stripper inside.But what does she want me to do about it? Take off my coat? Reveal who I am with out shame? I have no shame. So what if I'm a stripper? A woman who dances nude for paying men. I'm not trying to hid a thing.Still why do I wear the coat then? If she already knows who I am, why do I try to hid it from. She also assumed (correctly) that these men weren’t looking for anything deep and meaningful, and had no intention of leaving their wives. That suited her fine.There were complications. She hadn’t bargained for so many men assuming that the only possible interest a young woman could have in a sexual liaison with them was for money. Anthea didn’t have any particular moral objections to the exchange of money for sex, and as a student she could have done with the extra cash. She’d nevertheless been unable to take the plunge, feeling that the money angle would mean complications she was ill-equipped to handle. She soon also realised that some men were prepared to pay her as a way of staving off any blackmail attempts on her part, which she felt was slightly insulting, yet obscurely thrilling. Sometimes she imagined herself as a dark femme fatale, praying on men, getting her kicks with them and taking them for a ride. It was a fun fantasy, but in reality it just wasn’t her.Still, she.
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