I'll tell her you're here."I nod in acknowledgement. If the truth is known, I'm feeling even less enthusiastic now than I was in the car.The surroundings don't strike me as being the dungeon of a professional dominatrix, and Ylena's appearance, when she arrives a few moments later, is equally unconvincing. She's an attractive woman but she hardly looks the part, wearing a loose cotton dress in a pale peasant print, bare legs and open strappy sandals. Not what I'm expecting at all. I ought to be reassured, because the whole place is free from all the popular Domme clichésI'm feeling a bit confused: "I thought this was an ice cream factory," I say, nodding at the model on the reception desk."Yes," says Ylena. "Most people do. As a matter of fact I import Russian Ice Cream. It's in demand from the Russian ex-patriate community in the UK" She waves me through to an adjoining room. Ylena's office is modern, comfortable and you could almost say, cosy. There is a professionally tidy desk to. You sit there thinking over your dilemma. First it hurts, and then gets no better. You sweat violently and wonder if you'll ever see your loved ones again. You imagine the newspaper headlines screaming "Man dies trying to hatch monster loaf!" There are only three things you can do: 1. Scream 2. Call an Obstetrician 3. Hope to hell you've got some Vaseline to help you get through it.The Machine Gun DumpBest utilized in public conveniences. You sit there in sublime peace when suddenly you emit a group of noisy gassy bursts that break the tranquility like machine gun fire. The guy in the next cubicle hits the floor like a Vietnam veteran, cradling his umbrella like a M16....damn commies.The Sound Effect DumpYou feel a noisy one coming on but relatives, friends or work mates are within earshot. So, you must employ some clever techniques to cover the disgusting sounds you are about to emit. Timing is of the essence. At the precise moment of release, try the following: 1. Flush the toilet.
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