I slowed right down and walked the last few metres still not knowing what to say, if anything at all. I walked over a picture of a sun and a huge smilie face and was now face to face with this spectacular woman in the most intimidating yet arousing circumstances, I was still lost for words. A mixture of emotions flooded through me as I dug deep to find the courage to speak and took a deep breath.As I went to speak she pulled up close to me and placed a finger over my lips and gave me a paralysing glance that begged me not to speak. She moved away from me placing her stick into the damp sand and drew a large teardrop shape only there was one side missing. I went to introduce myself putting my hand out but she immediately drew near to me and kissed me playfully on the lips. My head began to spin and I thought my heart would beat straight out of my chest. Surely this was not her I tried to convince myself, but it was and I knew it. I became numb with adrenaline and stood helpless,. I had been invited into this family; Cheryl had never invited another adult into her family besides me. I had my own room in this house, whenever I wanted it. I ate at their table more than any other. Worked on their farm. Helped teach the other kids. Helped raise them. Tucked them into bed. Lay with a few when they had nightmares. I had never contributed money; Cheryl always refused. But I loved them all very deeply.If this place, the place where I was most wanted, most belonged, could not overcome my depression, my pain, my agony, I don’t know what could.At that moment I felt like I had sated my obligations. I had fulfilled the promise. Joshua was in the hands of a loving family; a family that would raise him with all the love, caring, education- all of that. The best I could have ever hoped to be provided for him. I had no more reasons to live for. My children were all being cared for. The love of my life- my soul mate- was no longer there. Susan had fucked me over. What else?Yes,.
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